Letters To Myself

So as I was on the verge of a myriad of issues that have been more or so fixed, I was working on something in a more “primitive” fashion. I was making up a short story by using pen and paper, something that I had to resort to but nonetheless, here is the finished product as I transfer it from one medium to another. This short story was supposed to serve as a breath of fresh air if you will, however i just couldn’t resist and had to add in a twist if you will. I don’t know but I just love short stories that are open. In fact not only short stories but even novels and the such with open interpretations are my favourite, which really does seep into my work. But anyway, without further ado (and i hope that as you read you keep an open mind, and I mean, really open mind, really think about what you are reading, what things means, and most importantly, that not everything is going to be what it seems) “Letters To Myself”.

Life is fleeting, just like the stars, if you could see what I see, then you would understand. Those brazen lights shine without a care for the world. They bring us joy, pain and for some, memories. Nothing is as mystifying as gazing upon those brilliant lights. But even so, without you here, it is all meaningless.

Do you remember the days we spent together? Those days will always fill my seemingly endless youth. You see, I’m quite a childish man. I’m sure you remember. I would gawk and chase after butterflies, awe at the newest set of action figures and smile dumbfounded at science. Some called me weird, that I wasn’t acting my age, and others called me a hobbyist. But the truth is, I’m just being me. There’s no denying that. I can’t change who I am, without losing a part of myself.

But even then, I would soon change anyway. Whether I wanted to or not, because after all, you came into my life. You were just a shy girl at the time, at least to me. Just another person among the sea of stars. Someone I thought that I would forget in a mere day. But I was wrong. I was wrong in many ways. You weren’t just the typical “shy” girl were you? You were more than that. You were energetic, a risk-taker and above all, you had a secret affair with knowledge. That was exactly how I found you at the library. I admit I’m not a big fan of all things “tome-ly” but it must have been a miracle that we would have met in a library.

I even remember what I said to you after I bumped into you and helped pick up your books.

“Wow you’re a robot fan as well?” Actually, that was my book that had mixed in with yours. You picked it up and gave me a confused look to my misguided assumption. I was so embarrassed you know? But after that we started noticing each other. You lived nearby. We would meet at stores, on the streets; I even bought you coffee once. Before I knew it, I was entranced. You absorbed me into your world. You were a sports-addict if I knew one, and it all began as another dumb misunderstanding. Do you remember?

I was taking a short cut to get to my friend’s house. A shortcut that apparently only he knew. And little was he right. It was nigh impossible to follow his tracks. I got lost before I knew it. I found myself at a large expansive field filled with grass. This is where I saw you, sitting in the sunlight looking into the clouds with lonely eyes. I was….. little to say, I was surprised. You looked so sad. At that moment, the only thing I wanted to do was be by your side. I walked up to you unnoticed, and saw that you had a Frisbee with you. A sport that required more than one person. At least, at that time, that was my understanding. I sat next to you, and as you turned, I gave you a small smile. Do you remember what I said?

“It sure is nice out here. The wind across the grass, the sun on your face.” It really was, and I meant it. I had never really been a nature guy, but at that moment, I really appreciated it.  You didn’t answer at first, rather, you kept looking up at the clouds. Later you would tell me they looked like cats, but I couldn’t see it.

“What are you  doing out here?” You answered. And I thought about it for a while, whether to say that I was lost, or…. actually I think at the end I just left it at that, after all, it was strange of me to even be in such a place without such a silly reason.

“I got lost.”

“Lost?” I explained the story to you, and after taking it in, you began laughing. I was a little bit mad at first, but after realizing just how silly I sounded, I began laughing as well.  You then feel on your back against the grass. The wind blew and your hair got in your face. I had an urge to wipe it away, but I was reluctant. It was…..it felt strange to me, but I did it in the end anyway. I gently moved the hair out of your face, and at this moment, our faces were just so close together. I didn’t know what else to do, your eyes were even prettier up close and your lips were strewn to accommodate your emotions. You really were sad, and I had really noticed it then, perhaps you even noticed my  prying eyes as well.  You looked down, so did I, I backed off to give you breathing room, and then you began telling me about your day. You were supposed to meet up with your “friends” but they never came. I shrugged it off and just said that maybe they forgot, but, to you that meant everything. You were a person who never liked being betrayed, because all your life, you’ve always been betrayed, haven’t you. You began telling me about all sorts of things, and before I knew it, the burning feeling to stay by your side grew stronger. I just didn’t want to see you cry.

After you were done, you asked me, “Will you leave me, just like everyone else?” You said it without hesitation and caught me off guard. It was a question that I wasn’t sure I had an answer to. But I gave you an answer anyway.

“I’ll never leave you. I’ll always be by your side. I promise.” With that promise, I held your hand. You looked up at me with teary eyes, but then you smiled.

“Want to play?” I smiled back.

“Care to teach me?” And so you did. My days from then on would forever be changed because of you. Every day was so much fun. I was doing things that I never thought I would. You were teaching me, and you said that I was teaching you as well. I never had the time or even the motivation really to enjoy life as much as you did. I was cynical, to be honest, enjoying my hobbies only when I can, and when I did, I engrossed in them. But you showed me that everyday had possibilities. And you accepted me for what I liked, for the things I did, and for who I was. Never again will we ever have those days, but, I will never forget those days either. Those days are irreplaceable, to both of us I’m sure.

But, just like the stars, those days became fleeting. Eventually, even I would have to break my promise. You, despite everything happening, was still a very weak person, weren’t you. You were a person that never spoke her mind. And because of that, because I could never forgive myself for leaving you all alone, I’ve come to a conclusion. Life is fleeting, just like the stars. I love stars. They shine bright in the night sky. I can always rely on them to guide me  wherever I may be. And tonight I hope, they can guide me to you. Oh, how it’s chilly tonight, oh so very chilly.

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